I Crave You
by Lazy.Elegance
Summary: AU. OOC. Izaya is a depressed bulimic. This has made Shizuo to take care of him for a favor from Shinra. While staying with Izaya, Shizuo finds clues to Izaya's true feelings and why his behavior is the way it is. Well Shizuo understand before Izaya self-destructs again? Shizaya. - M for Purging. Vulgar Language. Depression. Angst. Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Notes:**

Another Durarara! :)

Izaya is depressed in this story! And Shizuo might feel something a lot stronger than hatred! :D

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara!

_Hope you Enjoy!_

**~ Read and Review. No flames or bashing please!**

* * *

_I Crave You._

. . .

Heiwajima Shizuo was standing in front of the house of his annoyance. Grumbling as his fist raised upwards to slam against the door, but he halted and was eagerly tempted to leave the apartment building and head home right away; but since the second annoying person he has ever met called earlier that day to ask him to get Orihara Izaya up and head over to his place.

Of course Shizuo declined the offer of getting Izaya up, they both knew he wouldn't and didn't dare walk outside and into the hot sun. Shizuo knew Izaya since high school and since then Izaya was a pain in the ass. However, after a year of their graduation Izaya has been acting completely strange and his attitude on life changed, as well his behavior towards his friends and his casual mocking personality altered into a depressing cloudy mess.

Kishitani Shinra, the annoyance always tried to get Izaya out of his apartment and try to change him back to the way he was. Even to the point of showing him blood, Izaya shown no interest in the underground doctors tactics and tries to ignore or avoid him.

Shinra realized he wasn't the one to wake Izaya up and decided to get Shizuo to do it for him. Of course the first time Shizuo went to pick up Izaya, they were late two hours and when they did arrive they were bloody and pissed off. Izaya tried to ignore him too, and persuade him that everything Shinra's doing is for himself, Shizuo not easily persuaded ignores the informant and leaves him alone for a week to contemplate his feelings.

That was a bad mistake and found that Izaya was binging on his food and he was taken to the hospital for a few weeks. Afterwards, Shinra went to extreme measures to make Izaya happy again, Shizuo was caught in the cross fire once more and had the task to pick him up. Shizuo had a great advantage on his part since he could easily use his massive strength to break Izaya's door down when he didn't want to answer it.

Anyhow, Shizuo knocked on the door lightly and when it was answered he did it again until he heard this small audible sound, he knocked once more and closed in on the door.

"Come in!" Izaya yelled from the other side, Shizuo furrowed his brows and turned the doorknob, when he pushed the door open he found the apartment to be dark and cold. Realizing this he walked inside after shutting the door behind him, he strolled cautiously into Izaya's empty living room where he found the informant lying on the couch with his red ash eyes staring dimly at him.

Shizuo rolled his eyes and sat down on the opposite side. He took his phone out and dialed Shinra's number, and when the underground doctor answered. He told of Izaya's current predicament, of course Shinra still wanted them both to come over.

He grumbled a complaint when he looked over at Izaya lying on the couch once more, he had closed his eyes and breathing slowly in and out of his mouth. His bare arms trembled while his legs were curled inwards against his chest. His dark brown hair shiny and Shizuo could easily smell the sweet scent of whatever Izaya used for his shampoo.  
"Do we have to bring him? He's being depressing again.."

Shinra chuckled into the phone, "Yes Shizuo, bring him. He needs to get out."

"He was out yesterday, and the day before that." Shizuo said.

Shinra had paused in the phone, clearing his throat, "What's wrong with him?"

Shizuo sighed, "Nothing.. He smells nice from where I'm sitting and seems to want to sleep. But it's freezing in his apartment and he's wearing sweats and a simple black t-shirt, oh yeah and he's shivering."

Izaya flickered his eyes opened but they still dropped half way closed. "Why not warm me up Shizu-chan?" Izaya scowled indifferently at the debt-collector who rivaled his insinuating glare.

Shizuo turned away from Izaya and looked uninterested at the informants apartment, ignoring him while he relaxes his muscles before he could get angry enough to punch the pitiful informant. From the way he seems, Shizuo doesn't want to feel regretful later in the day.

"I really don't want to go.." Shizuo mutters impatiently.

Izaya pushed his empty and weak body up slightly, he curled his fist and rubbed his eyes then let out a soft yawn. Licking his chapped lips as his eyes squared onwards at the blonde in the room. He could easily feel his emotions raging from anger to sadness swirling in the pit of his being.

He let a small smirk rise on his face, even though he knew himself that it was fake. "Oh Shizu-chan, why not stay with me here, we'll even cuddle in my bed and tell each other how much we love each other." A chuckle so sinister escaped his dry lips.

Shizuo turned to Izaya, he continued glaring at Izaya annoyingly.

"Never mind Shinra, we'll be there in ten minutes."

Izaya felt a sharp pain in his chest and fell against the comfort of his couch, chuckling at his predicament he forced himself into. Shizuo closed his phone and stood up, his dark eyes staring at him as if he could see through him. Izaya could see the twisting rage that was completely different from his, inside of Shizuo's eyes.

He loved how it twisted, turned and swirled around like an ice-cream machine, soon all that twisting will turn smooth. Izaya didn't enjoy sweets, he barely thought of it and acknowledge anything sugary and that's what he thought abut Shizuo. A disgusting temptation. A weakness for humans, unlike himself, he would never stoop so low.

Izaya watched as Shizuo came to his side, reached down and gripped Izaya's wrist and pulled him easily onto his feet that connected to the cold floor, an ecstatic wave of cold ran through his body and he let out a shudder. His entire body stiffened at a short point, he smiled weakly up at Shizuo who raised his eyebrow.

"Let's get something suitable on you," Shizuo pushed Izaya's shoulder and turned him around easily. He placed a hand on Izaya's back and pushed him along, down the hall and towards Izaya's bedroom. Izaya opened the door and they both walked inside, Shizuo flicked the light on and the bright light made Izaya twitch uncomfortably.

"Turn it off Shizu-chan!" He whined, turning around and glaring at Shizuo with disgust. Shizuo smirked and pointed at Izaya's closet that was pored with untidy clothes.

"Get used to it, Flea. We'll be heading outside soon anyways."

Izaya stumbled over to his closet, he didn't realize how sore he felt until he fell against his knees and let out a whimper that he had to bite back just so his pride could stay intact. Shizuo leaned against the doorpost until he noticed Izaya looking at a few of his clothes.

"Got anything to eat?" Shizuo asked, not bothering to look over at Izaya who had placed the clothes he wanted to wear on his unmade bed. Most of his covers were discarded from the bed it self.

Izaya smiled dimly, chuckling mostly to himself. "Monsters need to eat," His eyes glinted over to Shizuo who had turned towards him as well, both of their eyes fiery and obviously annoyed of each others presence.

Shizuo didn't want to get into another scuffle just because Izaya was being a child. "It's a yes or no answer Izaya."

Izaya shook his head, sighing as his eyes focused back on the clothes once more, his thoughts mostly on the denial of going anywhere and finding the comfort of an empty couch.

"I don't know.. Namie usually restocks the fridge." He answered, not realizing what he had just said until it was too late. Looking up right away, clenching his teeth and what he saw on Shizuo's face was exhaustion. He turned away from Izaya and left the room, Izaya could easily feel the stab of pain entering in his heart.

"I'll look for you, _Mr. I-know-everything-about-everyone_!" Shizuo taunted from down the hall, Izaya looked down again at the clothes and picked a simple red shirt and grey sweater with his black jeans. He pulled his clothes off even when the cold whips of air pressed against his thin skin and made him shudder, he hissed as he quickly slipped the clothes on. He fell against his bed, closing his eyes only to see Shizuo walking back towards his bedroom with a container of milk in his hand.

"Done, Flea? Let's go then."

Izaya cursed Shinra, and cursed Shizuo mostly for this utter torture.

**. . .**

**To Be Continued.**

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**Author Notes: **

**Yeah.. First chapter!**

**Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please!**


	2. Better be a Joke

_I Crave You._

**_._**

Izaya took calm demeaning steps, counting each time his foot moved before the other while his dark hair fell into his face. A little he had forgotten where he was and where he was going, and he was actually not surprised by that notion since he walks around aimlessly all the time. The one before him made him think otherwise since the blonde with the black vest and white shirt was giving off a very ominous presence and he guessed it was his fault entirely.

Izaya didn't enjoy going outside so much, he didn't even like hanging out with anyone unless he was truly interested. But lately Shinra has been expecting him to get out of bed, clean himself up and walk brightly to his house to play checkers or watch a simple movie with his girlfriend. Shinra expected wrong and always found Izaya in the most lazy appearance. He didn't muster nor want to look the way he was, he just didn't care how he looked.

He didn't want a girlfriend, nor a soul mate to simply walk up to him and they would fall in love. Nor would she even care about his appearance, females were extremely touchy about appearances. The one before him didn't seem to care how Izaya looked, only if he got up and followed him to Shinra's without saying anything - he was fine.

Izaya grumbled underneath his breathe, this brought the attention of Shizuo who had glanced back, his dark blue shades were covering his eyes but Izaya could easily see that Shizuo didn't enjoy looking at him. With a grunt he turned away from him and continue walking, Izaya rolled his eyes and went back to staring at the cement and his feet.

"When was the last time you ate?" Shizuo spoke up, he slowed his pace and began walking along with Izaya who felt a little uncomfortable. Shifting closer to the road, he shrugged and thought hard on when he last ate. Shizuo stared downwards at Izaya's pitiful expression and rolled his eyes.

"Never mind. I'll buy you something, what do you want to eat."

Izaya shook his head, "Why can't we just go to Shinra's and eat there?" He suggested, Shizuo thought and gave a dignified nod.

"Good idea.."

"Stupid protozoan," Izaya grumbled under his breathe, smiling while his eyes glinted over to Shizuo who let out a dissatisfied grunt, he took out his pack of smokes and his dark lighter and lit the smoke in front of Izaya who groaned at the bitter scent.

He placed his hands in his face besides his eyes that were in a firm glare. "Please keep that away from me, if there is anything in this world that will kill me, I don't want it to be cancer." Izaya walked faster away from Shizuo, he blew out the smoke and stared at the retreating form of Izaya's thin frame. The sweater he was wearing only seemed loose around his waist.

"You have got to learn to take care of yourself."

The way Shizuo had said it made Izaya particularly annoyed, he turned his head around and glared, clenching his teeth and seethed angrily. Shizuo noticed Izaya's obvious annoyance and gave a definite smirk.

"What?"

"I do take care of myself Shizu-chan!" Izaya spat.

Shizuo clicked his tongue, "Really now. All I see in front me is a small, thin corpse."

Izaya halted and turned his body to the side swiftly, Shizuo predicted this and instinctively he backed up on time when Izaya had pulled his black switch blade from his sweater pocket and almost slashed Shizuo in the shoulder. However, when Izaya missed, Shizuo grabbed a hold of his wrist tightly, making the brunette cry out and dropping his switch blade from his hand and falling helplessly to his knees.

Izaya panted immediately. "Stupid.. Stupid.. Shizu-chan~" The vulnerable informant scoffed and looked up into Shizuo's blue eyes, Shizuo stared downwards, contemplating why Izaya was so weak but when he caught the sight of Izaya's ash red eyes; they were laced with malice and hatred swirling conjunctively.

Shizuo pulled Izaya up until he was able to stand on his feet, patting Izaya's back that made the informant stumble forwards lightly. "Let's go, flea. Stop holding us up just because you don't want to spend quality time with Shinra."

Izaya scoffed, "Quality time.. Seems more like therapy classes." He apathetically growled.

Shizuo didn't bother commenting on Izaya's insults, he knew they were just both restless and annoyed.

The entire time they walked to Shinra's was agonizingly slow, and when they did arrive - Shinra's only sunshine exterior annoyed them more. Letting them both inside his flat he shares with Celty, Izaya sat down on Shinra's couch, Izaya felt out of breathe from walking; he noticed Celty across from him and he gave a friendly wave of his hand.

The dullahan waved back, she tapped against her keyboard and showed it to Izaya who leaned forward, blinking a few times as he read her PDA.

_**[Are you alright?]**_

He leaned against the couch once more, "I'm better than I've ever been, thanks for asking." He said smugly, then Shizuo walked around the couch and sat next to Celty, grumbling as he placed a bowel of cereal in front of Izaya and a glass of orange juice. Shizuo held in his hand, his own glass of cold milk.

"Eat Izaya."

Izaya stared at the offering and grimaced in disgust. "Got any coffee. I like it black Shinra," Izaya called out, he easily heard Shinra's sigh as he began making the coffee.

Celty turned to Shizuo and showed him her new message, his eyes shifted towards the PDA. He took his sunglasses off and shrugged his shoulders.

_**[Is he alright?]**_

"He's an anorexic freak of nature. That's all I know.."

Izaya scowled at his comment, he leaned forwards and grasped the bowl in both of his hands. The milk made the bowl cold, he stared at the lingering floating circular brightly colored Fruit loops. Lifting the spoon between his fingers, he scooped a few fruit loops and smelled the sweet scent.

"I didn't ask for anyone to take care of me Shizu-chan."

Shinra came around and sat with Izaya, smiling cheerfully. "But Izaya, just because you didn't ask, doesn't mean your predicament needs to be ignored. You went on a binge and was hospitalized for not eating.." Shinra noticed Izaya stuffing his mouth with all the Fruit Loops.

"And I'm guessing from your extensive hunger, that you still decide not to eat. I need to make a phone call, is Namie at your place?" Shinra asked Izaya as he got up and walked over to the house phone.

Izaya shook his head and managed to say, "I told her ..she can have the week off.."

Shinra sighed, "Of course you did." He placed the phone down against the receiver, than he got an excellent idea.

"Why don't Shizuo live with you for awhile!" This made Izaya and Shizuo sputter their food out in front of them, Shizuo of course spat his milk out, while Izaya's fruit loops were on the coffee table before them both.

Shinra sighed at the mess they both made in unison. The harsh heated glares they were even giving him didn't make him feel any better, Celty shook her head at Shinra, as well at Izaya and Shizuo's reaction at the underground doctors outrageous request.

"This better be a fucking joke!" Shizuo growled, wiping his chin from the dripping milk that had slid down his face. Izaya placed the bowel down on the table, scowling at the mess he made on himself, Celty got up and walked to the kitchen to get something to clean the mess.

Shinra sighed in defeat. "I know the idea.. Is messed up. But Shizuo can keep you in line Izaya, he can help you when you need to eat, and watch when you try to binge on your food."

Shizuo shook his head. "And what the fuck do I get out of this?"

Izaya chuckled, "So you'd agree into taking care of me Shizu-chan!" He grinned, "I would have never guessed that you cared so much about me!" He laughed until a large shadow covered his body and he was hit over the head roughly by Shizuo hand.

"Oww!" Izaya groaned, rubbing the left side of his head.

"Shut it flea!" He turned to Shinra who was looking anxious at Izaya. "What do I get out of this if I accept?" Shizuo wondered, a sound of zest in his voice that frightened both Shinra and Izaya.

"I'll pay you." Shinra said enthusiastically.

Shizuo raised his eyebrow at Shinra's proposal, "Alright. I'll babysit the flea for you.. How long?" He asked, behind Shizuo was Izaya and Celty shocked by the both of them, the conversation went on for ten entire minutes. Shinra had Shizuo walk onto the terrace to speak of what to do with Izaya.

Izaya had sat back down on the couch, he watched as Celty cleaned up the mess and a few times had gone into shock at what was conspiring just a few feet from him. Celty finally finished and sat across from Izaya and she noticed his distress expression.

She typed on her PDA, and showed him the screen where his eyes shifted and read the message.

_**[Are you alright, Izaya?]**_

Izaya thought it was a simple question to ask, her boyfriend and his nemesis were so close to be placing him into a smaller cage, this time with a wild animal to tear him to shreds. This was too much for him to deal with, since he's been sitting on the couch his heart wouldn't stop beating. It was becoming too much, he was sweating and he had no control over what he was feeling. He didn't understand it, the deep agonizing emotion that has crept up on him so many times that he rather lay down on close his eyes.

Izaya rather be in utter darkness than where he is now. He closed his eyes and lied down on Shinra's couch, he felt the coldness of nothing wrapping itself around himself, there was no comfort for whatever pain he was feeling.

He cursed his heart for being so utterly disgusting right at that moment. Placing both of his curled hands in front of his face and brought his knees against his chest. His body relaxed and he let out a soothing sigh.

_'Let me drift into whatever this darkness is...'_

To be Continued.

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**Author Notes:**

**The ending of this chapter, without answering Celty, he sort of just drifted off into what he was feeling. It was pain, and Izaya is the type to be always in control. He felt the control slipping away a long time ago, but what he was feeling that was controlling him now only wanted him to relax into a cold darkness.**

**Which to me is depression.**

Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please.


	3. Sick and Obsessive

_I Crave You._

**. . .**

Shizuo and Shinra walked back into the living room after they finished their discussion about Izaya's predicament. What they found was Celty placing a warm dark blue face cloth against the informants forehead. Shinra sighed and quickly walked over to him, kneeling down as he touched Izaya's cheek and noticed he was panting hard in his sleep.

Shizuo watching with little interest, "What's wrong with him now!?" Shizuo asked, Shinra turned to Celty and the dullahan gave a nod as if they just telepathically spoke. She got up and headed out of the apartment complex. Shinra stood up and walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a few things from the cupboard and placed it in a bag.

When he came around, he passed the things to Shizuo. "Izaya has a high fever.." Shinra finally said, "He needs to be monitored and I'm handing everything to you since you did accept _'babysitting'_ Izaya."

Shizuo felt himself twitch as he stared at the underground doctor with little belief. He snarled darkly, his eyes shifting towards Izaya and immediately decided to blame the damn informant for everything.

"You stupid Flea!" He tossed the bag and was about to attack Izaya but Shinra quickly got in the way, flaring his arms around with an amused smile plastered on his face.

"Shizuo, you can't just attack someone who's injured and Izaya needs someone to take care of him until he gets his feet on the ground." Shinra persuaded meekly.

Shizuo shook his head, pointing at the vulnerable Izaya. "No fucking way this all just happened! The flea planned this, I know it~" Shizuo yelled louder while Shinra placed his finger against his lips, a smile still evident on his face while he made_ 'shushing'_ sounds to quiet Shizuo's outbursts.

"I don't think Izaya would stoop this low just for you live with him. So please Shizuo, I'll even call Subaru and Kyohei to come and pick you two up so you don't have to carry him all the way back to Shinjuku." Shinra walked over to the house phone and began dialing Kyohei's number. While Shinra was on the phone, Shizuo slumped down on the couch and stared angrily at Izaya's sleeping expression.

Shizuo grabbed the bag he dropped and looked inside, which were a bottle of medicine, a piece of paper which probably has instructions how to use the medicine and of course a bottle of pills. He placed the bag down on the floor and leaned against the couch.

Shinra placed the phone down on the receiver. "Alright, your ride should be here in just a few minutes." Shizuo sighed and stood up, he grabbed the bag and walked over to Izaya's side. Poking the informants side but he didn't wake up, only a low whine escaped the pale pink lips. Shizuo glared at Shinra who smiled innocently.

"Pick him up Shizuo. Izaya isn't in the condition to stand for himself." Shizuo grunted, he stood in front of him and stared with disgust at the curled up informant. Sighing he leaned down and slipped his hands under Izaya's head and legs and held him against his chest like a child, Shizuo could easily feel Izaya's warmth.

Izaya let out a groan but was still fast asleep. Shinra passed Shizuo the bag and placed it on Izaya's body, smiling appreciatively as Shizuo walked towards the front door, before Shinra grabbed it for him the door opened by Celty who walked in.

She held another prescription bottle in her hand.

"Oh yes." Shinra said out loud. "This is also for Izaya, since he hasn't been eating as well, this well raise his metabolism just a bit but he'll still need to eat." Shinra placed the bottle in the bag, Celty moved out of the way as Shizuo walked out of the room with the medicine and of course Izaya in his arms.

Shizuo headed down the hallway towards the elevator, the entire ride down he kept mumbling a _'I hate you flea, I hate you, I fucking hate you. I hope you die!'_

When they both reached the bottom, he walked across the lobby and outside where he saw the familiar dark van with the otaku bunch standing around it. He walked past the automatic doors that had opened up and heard the screams of the yaoi fangirl Erika, her hands over her mouth as her cheeks brightened while her eyes went extremely wide.

"I was right! I was freaking right! You two do love each other!" She hopped up and down, Shizuo rolled his eyes at the ones who were gawking at him and of course the unconscious Izaya.

"No.. We don't love each other!" Shizuo growled, "Izaya's sick so I'm taking the flea back to his apartment.." Erika squealed once more, she was slapped by Walker who shook his head at her.

"Oww! Can't you see Walker, Izaya's sick.. And Shizuo is going to.. ~" She squealed once more, but was ignored by the rest. Kyohei looked at Izaya's sleeping form and shrugged his shoulders.

"All right then, whatever you say. Let's go." They all jumped into the van and Saburo quickly drove out of the area towards Shinjuku. Shizuo placed Izaya's limp body against the window and buckled him up, Kyohei noticed Shizuo's kind act and chuckled mostly to himself.

"How did you get wound up in taking care of Izaya, thought you two hated each other." Kyohei called back, Erika and Walker glanced over at Shizuo who shrugged his shoulders.

"I do hate him.. But like always I'm dragged into his fucking mess!" Shizuo growled, taking out a smoke from his pack and sparking his lighter up, he breathed in the smoke as it was lit and closed his lighter. Erika turned around and grasped her bag , she opened it and rummaged through her manga's until she found her black notebook and a black pen, she placed the notebook her knees and opened it to a blank page, then she began to write with a blush tinted against her cheeks and smile spreading across her face.

_The Adventures of Shizuo and Izaya's requited love.~_

**. . .**_  
_

Shizuo waved at his friends as they drove down the street. He still held Izaya and the bag of medicine in his hands, he walked into the apartment complex once more and headed for the elevator. He pressed the button and waited patiently. His eyes shifted downwards and scowled at the inhuman expression Izaya was making. His eyes closed while his mouth was partly opened, he panted over and over while his cola dark hair matted against his face.

"Damn, Flea. Always making everyone fucking worry about you." Shizuo growled, the doors opened and he walked inside the elevator, He pressed the button to Izaya's floor and waited once more inside until Izaya began to squirm in his embrace. A warm sigh escaped his lips, Izaya went back to his extensive panting until Shizuo arrived to Izaya's flat.

He walked inside and lowered Izaya down on his couch. He walked into the kitchen and placed all of the medicine bottles on the table and opened Izaya's refrigerator and found a container of milk. He shrugged nonchalantly and grabbed the container, opened it and drank the milk. Once he finished that he walked back into the living room.

He sat down in Izaya's computer desk for a few moments in silence. "Damn Flea... "He grumbled, looking over a few notes Izaya had scattered along his desk. He clicked the mouse and the computer turned on, he noticed a few things inside about different types of people, videos on YouTube about long and boring lectures about _'self-discovery.'_ Depression, mental illnesses, bulimia, anorexia and of course life stories about a bunch of teen girls with cue cards of their life story.

He knew Izaya had some sort of interest with people's emotions, he wondered if the damn guy trolled any of these teenagers. He looked in some of the messages and found some, rolling his eyes at the harsh words he spoke to them. Shizuo quickly clicked out and looked through a few files until he found something a little more interesting.

**Heiwajima Shizuo. 1.**

**Heiwajima Shizuo. 2.**

**Heiwajima Shizuo. 3.**

_Etc.._ It went up to ten files.

Curiosity shook his mind, he clicked on the first one and found a bunch of different pictures of him. In high school. Shizuo's eyes grew large at how many pictures there was. Him with Shinra, eating lunch, in the library, studying, sleeping on the rooftop, talking with Kyohei in the hallways, walking home, walking to school, teachers talking with him while he gave them a frightening expression, and most of the others were of Shizuo fighting anyone who came near him.

He turned to the sleeping informant, clenching his teeth as he let out a dark snarl. "You fucking stalker!" He wanted to yell at Izaya, shake him, hit him and maybe throw him out the window with his computer and multiple cellphones.

He looked in the next file and found that these pictures weren't of him in high school, but with Kasuka or at home. It was pretty few so he clicked on the next one which was Shizuo finding himself jobs and getting fired for it. Sometimes even Izaya placed himself in the picture with his sneaky smirk with a peace sign.

The next files were of Izaya and Shizuo's many multiple fights. Izaya always had this expression filled with excitement, exhilaration and of course the cunning ash red eyes that always held many dark secrets and information.

Shizuo sighed, he continued to scroll through the pictures that was just Shizuo in his daily routines. They were very few until the tenth file, there was only one picture. The picture took place in high school, Shizuo remembered that he didn't want to attend the graduation assembly so he stayed in one of the classrooms, he sat on the floor and leaned his back against the wall then he fell asleep.

When he woke up, he found Izaya sitting in front of him, sitting on a desk with a mischief smirk. But the picture Shizuo's blue eyes scanned was before that while he was sleeping. Izaya was sitting behind him, smiling but he was also crying.. He took the picture with his cellphone while Shizuo was sleeping.

Shizuo shook his head, he closed the file and turned the screen off. "Why were you crying?" He wondered, then his cellphone rang, he took it out of his pocket and answered it.

_- Shizuo. We got work to do tonight. -_ It was Tom, Shizuo's eyes shifted towards Izaya and he let out an exhausted sigh.

"Uh.. Yeah alright." He turned around and found a sticky note on his laptop on the next desk. He grabbed it, it held a number and of course Izaya's secretary's name, Yagiri Namie.

"When?" He asked Tom.

_- Soon as possible Shizuo. -_

"Alright. I'll be there in an hour."

_- See you soon. -_

After he got off the phone with Tom he dialed Namie's number.

"Hello?" The feminine voice answered.

"This is Heiwajima Shizuo.. Izaya needs you to come in for work."

**. . .**

**To Be Continued.**


	4. Strange Fuzziness

_I Crave You._

**. . .**

The front door to Izaya's apartment opened, revealing a slender brunette with a evident scowl upon her face. She closes the door and instantly listened to the silent echo as her heels tapped against the floor and she entered the living room where she notices Izaya. Her eyes scan the rest of the apartment and sees nothing out of place besides the small sticky note by Izaya's computer. She strolls over and finds a note written in black pen right next to the sticky note, she picks the paper up and reads it thoroughly.

_- Namie._

_Watch Izaya while I'm out. He needs to take the pills that Shinra prescribed for him,_

_also watch the asshole, he might binge or do something fucked up._

_I'll be back later on tonight._

_ - Shizuo._

_p.s Feed him! _

Namie rolled her eyes, she turned to the unconscious information broker. "Now I'm babysitting you." She seethed. She crumpled the paper in her hand and tossed it in the waste bin next to Izaya's desk. She walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to start on Izaya's lunch whenever he woke up. She took various of vegetables out and placed them on the counter, while she contemplated on what she was going to make she remembered the name on the note and whom had called her earlier.

Heiwajima Shizuo. The debt collector that works with Tom. Izaya usually sprouts a bunch of nonsense about Shizuo.

Namie noticed Izaya's change in behavior for quite some time now, his smiles dimmed, and his eyes didn't hold the same excitement he once had before about loving the human race. He wasn't even playing with his twisted boardgames anymore. She figured it was age or boredom, but everyday she noticed different patterns that could easily be the symptoms of depression.

Even then she figured it was just one of his plans going wrong and he was expressing his annoyance. Not until she witnessed hearing him throwing up his food, she ignored that but he kept on binging his food each day. He stopped talking about humans, he stopped going on his computer, and denied anyone who would come over, he even liked the dark and rarely turned any of the lights on in the house.

One night she finally called the ambulance because of his extreme dehydration. Shinra decided that Izaya needed to be out with friends, even though most of his _'friends'_ didn't even want to be around him because he's an asshole. That's when Shinra decided to pick him up and take him to his place after Izaya was released from the hospital. Izaya continued to lock himself in besides when Namie comes over to do her work.

Shinra gave up and asked Shizuo to get Izaya up. So mostly everyday Shizuo would burst through the door or Izaya would get enough strength and open it for the debt collector.

Afterwards Izaya finally told her she can have the week off with pay of course. She couldn't decline that offer even though her_ 'boss'_ was deteriorating, not like she cared about him. It was all too tempting to leave him in his state.

And now look where she was. Stuck with the informant while his actual _'babysitter'_ is out doing his damn job.

"S-Shizu..-Chan!" She heard Izaya's weak voice, it was in such a whisper that she had to walk into the living room to wave at the half-awake informant.

"He's not here. He left to do his job.. So he asked me to come here to babysit you.." She said in a low passive voice of disinterest.

Izaya didn't look too thrilled to see her either. He fell against the couch once more and closed his eyes, until his nose wrinkled from the smell of whatever was in the kitchen.

"Are you cooking something?" He asked, opening his eyes once more.

Namie's eyes shifted over to the kitchen where she had poured water into a pot, turned the oven on and placed the vegetables inside the pot then placed the pot on the oven. She gave her boss a nod.

"He told me to feed you."

Izaya gave a nod, clutching his sweater and letting out a shiver. The room was freezing, and the cold air stiffened his body that he had to clench his teeth down. Namie noticed his discomfort and left the room.

He lifted himself up from the couch even though he had to squeeze his eyes shut tightly from the pain he was experiencing. Looking around, he noticed finally that he was in his apartment and not at Shinra's anymore.

Was I really that out of it? Izaya wondered to himself. Izaya felt this sharp pain in his stomach and decided to get up, he started to walk down the hall to the bathroom. He closed the door slowly and locked it, leaning against the wall with the light on, he slid down and let out a solemn sigh.

"Why did I say your name.." Izaya muttered.

. . .

_An hour later._

Shizuo stepped out of the elevator of Izaya's apartment complex. He finished his job even though it was short and of course told Tom if he needed him again, just call him. The walk home was uneventful until Shinra called him and asked about Izaya, Shizuo explained to Shinra that he had work so he called Namie to take care of him for the afternoon.

Shinra kept calling Shizuo an idiot over the phone. And Shizuo was very tempted to go over to Shinra's and kick him but he decided not too. He asked Shinra why he was calling him an idiot, Shinra told Shizuo that Namie doesn't care about Izaya's predicament so she'd let him do anything, even purging.

Shizuo grunted, after remembering what Shinra was telling him. He walked through the elevator and headed inside Izaya's apartment. He walked inside and smelled something delicious than Namie came into view with a_ 'what the fuck?'_ look.

"Where is he?" Shizuo asked, noticing Izaya was gone from the couch. Namie looks and muses on where he is.

"Probably in the bathroom." She mutters and walks back into the kitchen. Shizuo shakes his head and trudges down the hallway towards the bathroom. He hears the water rushing from the sink inside but nothing else, knocking against the door.

"Izaya.. I'm back. Open up!"

He heard nothing but a choking sound then the flushing of the toilet. Shizuo shakes his head back and forth at realizing what Izaya was doing, he shakes the doorknob and realizes it's locked. Then decides to back away from the door, raising his leg and kicks it hard with his foot, the door slams open and hits the wall beside it. Taking his sunglasses off, he stares down at an exhausted Izaya lying next to the toilet.

"Look at you.." Shizuo snapped. "You look like a pile of bones."

His chest heaved up and down tiredly, Shizuo stomped his feet over to Izaya, leaned down and grabbed his shirt and pulled the Izaya half up. He grimaced at the smell of puke coming from Izaya's mouth. Izaya opened his eyelids just a bit and noticed Shizuo, letting a sly smirk reach his mouth at how pissed the blonde looked before him.

His heart raced hard, he didn't know if it was because Shizuo was pissed off, or it was because he was throwing his guts up just moments before. Either way, he felt happier.. Just a little.

Just having Shizuo with him again.. Some how made everything sickening in the apartment a lot more fuzzy which confused him. Shizuo shook his head and picked Izaya up into his arms and took him back into the living room.

"Aww. Is this how you carried me back here from Shinra's? If only I was awake," Izaya chuckled.

Shizuo glanced down and noticed something odd, he closed in on Izaya's face which made Izaya lean back.

"What are you doing Shizu-chan?.. Did you kiss me too.. Ugh.. Disgusting." Izaya stuck his tongue out playfully. Shizuo however was too into what he was looking at then Izaya's stupid comments.

"No you idiot... Your eyes are red.. Blood shot even. And your cheeks.. Their puffy."

Placing the informant down on the couch once more, he noticed Izaya shivering slightly while leaning himself against the arm wrist. Rolling his eyes he sat down with Izaya who's smile had dropped instantly, curling his legs inwards and wrapping his arms tightly around his legs, placing his chin against them for support and closed his eyes.

The cold air stung his body, his bones ached but he didn't want to move. Letting out a sigh, he felt the warm hand touching along Izaya's head, he knew what it was but he didn't want to comment on it for now.

A few moments passed, before he could fall asleep again. "If you two are going to have a moment.. You should have told me to leave." They both looked over at Namie holding a cloth with an annoyed expression across her face.

Shizuo rolled his eyes, placing his hand back into his lap while Izaya closed his eyes once more. Namie didn't understand them both and walked into the kitchen once more to finish the soup she was making.

"Izaya.. You have a problem." Shizuo told him, which made Izaya chuckle lowly.

"I know Shizu-chan... You do too.. Did you forget, you're a monster."

Shizuo watched as Izaya continue to shiver.. Continue to put up this hopeless facade.

**. . .**

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

**The past will reveal itself! :D  
**

**Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please!  
**


	5. Understanding is crucial

_I Crave You.  
_

_**. . .**  
_

**"I know Shizu-chan... You do too.. Did you forget, you're a monster."**

Everything seems to be out of impulse lately. I can't exactly control what I'm doing, my thoughts are jumbled up and I feel like sleeping cause it's the only thing I can control. Yet my dreams are frightening and I hate remembering them. But everything I do is always in vain, out of my control and I want to scream so loud, hit hard and kill someone because of this.

My feelings. I can't control them.. I can't and I don't understand them at the same time. It's so frustrating to see Shizu-chan sit in front of me with a look of anger and hostility. I know the thoughts that swarm in his mind, the one that wants to leave me here to die in whatever agony this is, the one that's willingly to give this all up and ignore Shinra's persistence.

I understand. I wouldn't mind if you got up and walked out that door and never come back, I know. And yet I'm here sitting on my couch with my legs curled inwards and my head on my knees, my arms hiding me from the lights or whatever. I don't feel comfortable, I'm shaking, I'm cold and I need warmth but I don't want to move.

I feel like a scared child. You ignore my presence, and walked into the kitchen to speak to someone that isn't me. I don't know what you are talking about with Namie but quickly the women gets her things and waves to Shizuo. The door clicks shut and I realize that you told her to leave, you growl angrily but quickly your shoulders slump, their relaxed, your relaxed. You unbutton your black vest and shrug it off and throw it on the couch, you even unbutton your white shirt that shows your tan collarbone.

I look away because I feel sick again. I bit hard on my bottom lip and close my eyes tightly, then I feel you sitting next to me again and I peek my eyes over to you. Your honey brown eyes.. They're staring directly at me and I look away just because I feel stupid at being caught.

"You're twenty.. Stop acting as if you're five!" Shizuo snapped, I looked up and glared.

"I'm tired.. Leave me alone!" I snarl under my breathe.

"You were sleeping most of the day, it's time to do something.. Like eat." Shizuo's hand reached out and grabbed my wrist in a tight hold, suddenly I was sprang upwards and onto my feet. I felt the sharp pain drag along through out my body, I let out short pants as Shizuo - that oblivious idiot continued to drag me to the kitchen where Namie's soup was.

He pulled me closer to him but pushed me down and made me sit on the chair. I found myself staring at a bowl of vegetable soup and a spoon in my hand, I looked beside me where Shizuo was whom was eating casually. As if we're best friends and we do this everyday.

Shizuo notices me yet again, I could feel this strange heat rising to my face but I ignore it and look down at my food.

"You should wash your hands... You stuck your own finger down your throat. It's disgusting." He says with a grunt, I ignore him once more and try to eat the food but I feel too disgusted by it. Also this was made by Namie, you have no idea whats in it.

Shizuo's voice clicks in again. "Also do something about your breathe, it stinks. What kind of bulimic are you?" I felt myself twitch at his stupid comments. I placed the utensil down on the table and pushed myself from the chair and walked over to the sink, I turned the tap on and the rushing water came out. I stared at it almost longingly then I placed both my hands under the water, adding soap to the mixture.

I rubbed hard against my skin and when I was finished, I dried my hands and looked down. I noticed how my hands went red, it never done that before but I ignored it and walked over to the table, sat down and stared at my food again.

The water inside the bowl turned a different sort of greenish color, probably from the vegetables inside and I could easily see the steam coming from how hot it was.

Shizuo placed his spoon down, "Look Izaya, if you don't eat! I'm going to force you too!" He said sternly, I felt my eyes widen at what he was going to do to me.

I feel myself recoiling again but my anger - or was that fear rising so high that I yell. "Then I'll throw it up!" See.._ Impulse. _It's all because of my damn impulses.

Next thing I know it, Shizuo began feeding me forcefully by opening my mouth while I'm tied to the chair. How he did it? Well.. It started with his fury rising to a large extent and I began to run through out the house, he found a rope I didn't know I had and caught me trying to hide in the hallway closet. Then he pulled me back to the kitchen, sat me down and tied me up very tightly that I thought my skin was going to break.

Right now, I'm closing my eyes tightly while he holds my mouth open and I feel the hot food enter my mouth. The taste is actually delicious but my stomach tries to deny it so I hold it in. I peek my eyes open and see Shizuo holding another spoon full.

Shaking my head, "Open up Flea!"

Shizuo sighs. "Stop acting up Izaya, just swallow the damn food!"

_It's very hard. Shizu-chan. Very hard!_

I almost want to cry just from how much this hurts, my body began to shake and then it happens. I swallow the food, it's painful going down and I don't feel happy at all. When I open my eyes, Shizuo looks shocked, his eyes are wide and his mouth is open as well.

He clamps his mouth shut and lets a smile appear on his face. "See that wasn't so hard was it. Now.. let's go again." He takes a few of the vegetables out of the spoon then I open my mouth again. This time it's small bits of food. All I'm going to feel is agony while Shizuo is taking care of me.. Not like I need him too.

I lied down on the couch after the torture was finished with. I felt so unnerving that my pitiful being that used to be fearless and intimidating had finally deteriorated. I was someone else.. Someone that wasn't worth being the infamous Information broker, I closed my eyes tightly, trying to hold back the choked sob in my throat and the warm tears that were threatening to fall.

I hated myself for feeling this way, too human. To .. Dead. I needed excitement.. I needed Shizuo to chase me among Ikebukuro with oversize vending machines or lampposts he pulled from the ground, I need his killer relentless instinct _to kill me_.

My eyes flash open from that thought and I sit up, hating what I had just thought. I quickly notice Shizuo right away by my computer, he's sitting casually while he looks through my files. I run towards him even though my body is in pain, I ignore it because everything he's doing is violating my privacy.

"Don't look in those!" I yell, pushing him slightly away from the mouse and keyboard, he's tilting his head in confusion. I quickly click out of the files, while I was doing that Shizuo gets up from the chair and simply stands a few feet away with his hands behind his head.

I turn around and sigh. "Don't worry," I hear the smirk in his voice, I turn and he's smiling, there's a glint in his light brown eyes that makes me feel uneasy. "I deleted all the pictures of me on your software."

My mouth falls open, "What!?" I yell, turning around and opening the files up again but I instantly find the ones with _Heiwajima Shizuo_ on it and I realized I was duped. I turn around with the same heat I felt earlier rise to my face, I gripped the ends of the desk tightly in my hands as my heart races against my chest.

Shizuo crosses his arms nonchalantly, "I knew about those pictures Izaya, what I want to know is.. " He walks closer and closer until he's centimeters from me, I can't help but stare into his dark shade of eyes and feel lost.

The deep cunning voice I always hated seems so alluring but at the same time far off. "Why do you have them?"

_Why.. Why.._

_Do I have pictures of Shizuo since the first time I saw him in high school._

I smile, and this smile it's different even though I can't see it completely, but in Shizuo's eyes, the reflection tells me different. In a dreamy state of mind, I say simply.

"I was fascinated by a monster."

**. . .**

**To Be Continued.**


	6. Can't Take It

**I Crave You.**

**. . . **

Shizuo stayed the night since he couldn't trust me alone by myself and he even told me that he was never calling Namie again. The women doesn't even care so it makes it sense. He's sleeping soundlessly on the couch while my bedroom was down the hall, the door of my bedroom was wide open while everywhere in my apartment was dark.

My dimmed auburn eyes stared at the neutral colors of my bedroom. I'm freezing even though I'm covered by my blankets, my body convulsed and I gave out ragged pants as I tried to get warmer but nothing worked. I was sore all over, and I felt vulnerable to the slightest touch, before I could lose myself to the threatening tears that was rising to my eyes.

I sat up, a shiver ran up my spine as I crawled out my bed and headed for my closet where I pulled my clothes and quickly changed into a pair of black jeans, a simple black shirt and of course grabbed my jacket with the fur on the hood. I found some white clean socks and slipped those on, and even when I didn't feel that warm I walked out my bedroom with no other thought.

I noticed Shizuo curled up on the couch with a blanket and a pillow, snoring softly. I wrinkle my nose in disgust that the monster was in my house, I grab my shoes and quickly slip them on. Then I leave, it was all that was on my mind.

Leaving to find something a lot more enjoyable then my insomnia keeping me awake or the cold that was desperately hanging against my skin. I slip out the front door silently and strolled towards the elevator. He pressed the button and the door automatically opened, he walked inside and pressed another.

I sighed, leaning my back lazily against the wall of the steel box. My hand lifted my shirt and felt my skin underneath, smooth but cold to the touch. I still felt dizzy, maybe motion sickness but that would be incredibly ridiculous. I had this urge to throw up but I didn't want to so I leaned my head upwards, and tried to calm my nerves.

When the elevator reached the main floor, I walked out towards the automatic doors and into the streets of Shinjuku. It was strangely dead out, besides the cars driving past.

The warm air calmed my body down, but I was still dizzy and sick. Hugging myself and clenching my teeth down, I decided to head for the park. I silently reached into my jacket pocket where I knew my cellphone would be, but my shaking hands searched and there was nothing inside but disappointment. I stopped on the empty sidewalk, my shoulders tensed just from the thought of stupidly leaving my cellphone at home with Shizuo.

I didn't want to head back, he might hear me enter the house. Then he'll ask me a lot of questions and things will probably lead to another and I'll be on lock down for the rest of the week with Shizuo watching my every move. Groaning I continued to walk to the park, I never thought without my cellphone that I would be so bored.

This feeling of being trapped isn't what I wanted. But I have to admit I brought this entirely on myself, the day I saw Shizuo was the day I knew my life was going to get a little more extraordinary, just from the sight of his dyed blonde hair and extreme yellow dew eyes. How he grunted harshly at the ones whom wanted to fight him, and he never backed down, his temper took full control of his emotions.

He was uncontrollable. Someone I couldn't stand but hate, he was fun to play around with and he became much more exciting but soon just everything ended. My feeling dimmed, they dulled like a no longer sharp knife, like the clouds hovering over the city and hiding the sun from everyone's view.

I couldn't take it anymore. That's when I couldn't control who I was either.

I entered the park that is completely vacant, the sting from my thoughts wavered my mind. I stumbled over to the garbage can, feeling sickened I was doing this to myself. I reached forward with my two fingers tightly together and I stuck them both down my throat, reaching far and then I choked until the immediate feeling of disgust entered my mind.

I closed my eyes tightly shut, leaned over into the garbage and pulled my fingers out that was drenched with saliva. My body jerked, convulsing as vomit rose, it was mostly stomach acid and Namie's stupid vegetable soup Shizu-chan forced me to eat earlier today. It burned as I coughed it all up and it fell into the garbage, the stench was foul and disgusting.

"Hah.. haaah.. haah..haah.-" I panted restlessly, inhaling deeply as I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my parka jacket. I moved away from the garbage can. Falling over onto my back that hit the cement, a groan escaped my lips as my eyes flickered open once more to view the stars in the dark blanket of the night. I coughed a little more, the aftertaste was all too familiar to me.

The feeling comes back abruptly, the disgusting feeling of wanting to get rid of everything. I sit up and tears seem to fall, my heart burns while I run towards the same garbage can, the tears are spreading down my face as my heart breaks. And it comes out once more in a disgusting cycle of purging that in a way I feel so much better, but in the other way... I want to die.

Yes. I open my eyes, holding tightly on the garbage can as if it's my life support. I breathe in and out, the fresh air mixed with the vomit doesn't bother me any longer.

I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. That feels so much better, the smile that reaches my lips is undeniably weak, I have no idea if it's fake. My knees hit the cement, there's no pain but the tears that won't stop falling, slipping past my eyes and down my face to the ground.

What am I'm about to do? I have no freaking idea.

I want to fucking die so m-

"Izaya! What the fuck are you doing?"

My eyes widen in shock but they instantly droop down from my lack of energy, I turn my head around and notice him standing just a few meters from where I am with a smoke lit in his hand, he takes a drag and continues to watch me. My knight and shining armor, I chuckle at the thought and look away, clinging to the garbage can like a child who doesn't want to leave the sand box.

A tear rolls down my cheek and every little pain burns. Do I even know myself anymore? No.. I'm not the same person I was before.

"Izaya!" His voice is firm, and then I hear him coming, closer and closer towards me that the stench of his smoke is inevitable.

"Why.." I mutter, feeling all the anguish twisting into something a bit more hotter. I swiftly turn and stagger away from Shizuo who raises his eyebrow in confusion at my actions.

"Why do you always find me!?" I hysterically yell at him and I'm glad no one's around to see me freak out, it would ruin the reputation I created. More tears fall and I'm fed up with them, wiping them away, every last one with my hands as I sob uncontrollably.

"Stop following me!?..." I scream, there's so much tears falling to the cement, staining my face. "..Go away!"

I feel like my thoughts are eating me alive. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, my hands tangled in my hair and pulling at the strands that come out easily, but before I know it, I feel something. A warm gaze but I don't look, I shudder in fear and how disgusting I must seem.

"Izaya.." His voice makes me cry, I let out a broken sob once more and hide my face from him. I want to run but I don't know where to go, I want to get away from him but before I do he has already enveloped me in a hug.

A hug that feels warm, and comfortable. He touches my hair softly without saying a thing, and I wonder if this is how I would hug a wild animal, so soft his fur was. I close my eyes and hope just a little I wouldn't have to relinquish this hug or whatever this feeling was that always came when Shizuo was close by.

We stand in the park like this for a few minutes until Shizuo's hand suddenly goes down my back and falls to our sides, his hand intertwines with mine. I feel sort of weak just from what happened. Speechless that Shizuo is holding my hand, I look up, tired, exhausted.

He smiles down at me, wiping away the last tear that had curved down my cheek. "Come on, let's go back." He says quietly, and I let him pull me while my emotions began to cloud my judgement once more.

_Why was he acting like this? I don't need his pity.. I don't..._

**. . .**

**To Be Continued**

* * *

**Author Notes:**

**This was kinda hard to write! :\**

**Anyways. **

**Reviews are appreciated. NO flames or bashing please!**


	7. Easier Said Than Done

_I Crave You._

**. . . **

My eyes burned with tears that continued to fall all the way back to the apartment. In the elevator, we both stood apart from each other but I could easily smell the cigarette smoke from his bartender clothing on me, I don't mind the musky scent since now it's kind of comforting. When the doors opened he pulled me through and down the hall. When he opened my door to my apartment we walked inside; I didn't feel like walking anymore even when he let go of my hand and headed into the kitchen where he turned the light on, I leaned myself against the wall and slid down onto the floor.

Wiping away my tears that stained my face, sniffling while I curl my legs inwards against my chest and wrap my arms around them. I rest my chin on my knees and stare at the wall before me. I could hear Shizuo on the phone in the kitchen, I'm guessing he might be talking with Shinra.

"He left the apartment and I found him purging in the park... "

_He isn't hiding it either..._

I leaned my head against the wall.

"You're coming over?..."

I shift my eyes over to the light on the floor from the kitchen. Shizuo emerges with the phone in his hand to his ear, he stares at me just for a few seconds then looks away. I curl my body closer even though there's no more space, I hug myself tighter and squeeze my eyes closed just to feel my heart beating against my chest and the strange thoughts ringing in my mind.

Telling me different things, giving me different options.

_'Run! You got time, run. You can out run him, he isn't fast like you are.'_

_'You're so close to the bathroom.. So close.'_

_'Kill him.. Then he won't be in the way anymore.. Kill him.'  
_

I inhale thickly, biting my lip hard until the voices get louder and louder in my head, repeating their words, and I'm so tempted to run, so tempted to head for the bathroom and lock the door, stick a toothbrush down my throat and puke everything up even though I did earlier. But I'm so tempted to grab my switchblade and stab Shizuo in the chest but the thought of killing my greatest _enemy._

Suddenly my hands are at my hair once more, gripping tightly as the strands slowly come loose and tangle around my fingers. My headache had turned into a full migraine - pounding in my head like a hard drum with the voices that keep on talking over each other without stopping._  
_

"Shut up!" I shout, echoing through the silent apartment. "Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" I hear something different from the voices, something hard hitting the floor and someone walking towards me.

"Shut up!" I yell again, pushing my back more into the wall even though I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

"Izaya!" Two strong hands grab my wrists and pulling my hands away from my hair. I open my eyes and I see Shizuo kneeling on the floor before me, he's gritting his teeth but his golden eyes are filled with concern. Some how the thought is funny and let out a short chuckle, he pulls me to my feet suddenly and drags me across the living room to my bedroom.

He turns the lights on and sits me down on the bed. Next thing I know it we're both staring at each other and I have nothing to say to what just happened.

"Shinra's coming over... He needs to evaluate your predicament." He says, I look down at notice my hands are shaking and have small black strands of hair, I feel disgusted and began picking the hair off my skin between my fingers and dropping them on the hard wood floor. I feel so drained of tears and my throat burns from screaming and throwing up.

_'You.. Could kill yourself..'_

I flinch from the sudden thought that echoes inside my head. It came out of nowhere and there was really no feeling in it, just cold and uncaring. I never thought of death as an option in my life, sure it came up at times but never in outspoken thoughts in my head. Not so straightforward, direct and bold, I shivered just from the thought.

"Izaya.. Are you alright?" I look back up and Shizuo is still looking down at me. I nod, feeling completely drained of energy.

"I.. Want to sleep."

Shizuo sighs, "Shinra told me not to let you sleep just yet until he comes over, nor leave you alone by yourself." I roll my eyes as I began to take my jacket off and my clothes, Shizuo makes a distastefully grunt and turns around.

I only took my shirt off, turning my body around and crawling to my pillows and covering myself with my cold blankets. Shizuo turned and gave me a glare while I stuck my tongue out.

"I don't give a fuck Shizuo.. I'm tired." I lie down and cover myself with the blankets.  
Suddenly they were pulled from me, I look up and Shizuo was hovering over me unexpectedly, glaring into my own eyes.

"If you hadn't left the apartment earlier, then we both wouldn't be so fucking tired," Shizuo seethed angrily. All the guilt sort of just washed over me and I frowned, he was right.. If I hadn't left the apartment then we wouldn't be up so late. I shifted my eyes and tried to focus on something else, at the same time he pulls away and walked out of the bedroom, he stayed in the hallway where we both could have a view of each other.

But I only laid down and tried to sleep, hugging my pillow tightly and letting the fabric soak my tears up.

**. . .**

_Shizuo's P.O.V.**  
**_

I shouldn't have said anything to him.

After I left the bedroom, I looked back and found him hugging his pillow yet I could already see him crying. I know he was sensitive and Shinra had told me not to upset him but it was harder then it seemed. I walked down the hall towards the kitchen, I stopped and picked the phone up that I dropped after Izaya was freaking out.

I had little idea why he was acting the way he was but I was certain Shinra would tell me once he comes over. I place the phone down on the receiver and look through Izaya's fridge. He had a lot of food but he would end up throwing it all up later on which would be a complete waste, but then again Namie is usually here. Despicable women.

I clicked my tongue after the very thought of her entered my mind. I couldn't believe she would actually let Izaya throw his food up as if it was a normal daily action, but then again she probably knew a lot longer than anyone that he's been like this.

I walked out of the kitchen, took a quick peek into his bedroom again and saw no visible movement besides the blankets curving his slender body. I looked around his very neat apartment, deciding to sit down on his comfortable computer chair. I spun around a bit until I heard the sound of a vibration, I stopped spinning and noticed on his desk was his black cellphone buzzing and lighting up.

I grabbed it and flipped the cellular device open and listened to the voice over the phone.

"Izaya. We need to talk about the lack of work you have been doing for the past few weeks." The man sounded gruff, annoyed which.. Well annoyed me of course.

I glared over to Izaya's bedroom and scowled at realizing that Izaya's been slacking off ever since he's been sick or whatever..

"Izaya isn't in the condition to do any work. Call next week.. " I hung up before the man could protest then the ring of the doorbell chimed through the silent apartment. I hopped off of the chair and headed towards the door nonchalantly, glancing over at the bedroom then opening the door to let in Shinra and Celty.

They both looked around, but after they only saw me they sighed

"Where is he?" Shinra asked, he was holding his first aid kit even though we both knew Izaya would surely have one after the many beatings he took from me in the past. I pointed over to his bedroom, Shinra leaned back and noticed of course Izaya's unconscious form.

He looked back at me with a giddy smile, "He's not dead is he?"

Shaking my head at his ridiculous question. "No. Why would I kill an injured man... Can you tell me what the fuck is wrong with him!?" Shinra chuckled at my outburst and moved his things on the large table by Izaya's computer and set most of his things down. I noticed he had two large white books with him as well, labeled on the front of the book was.

_'Identifying Mental Illnesses.'_

_'Therapy.'_

"What's up with the books?" I asked, tucking my hands into my pockets.

Shinra glanced over at the books and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not the sort of doctor that deals with mental illnesses but it seems Izaya might be suffering from ...depression and Bulimia." Shinra muttered under his breathe, I rolled my eyes and noticed Celty sitting on the couch so I stride over and sit with her while Shinra began to read.

"A doctor whom isn't a psychiatrist can't diagnose Izaya." I called out and heard a nervous laughter from Shinra that went into a deafening silence in seconds.

Celty typed against her PDA and showed me what she had going through her mind.

_**How are you tonight?**_

I thought about it and instantly thought the trouble Izaya had dragged me through, but I was also curious about his strange and erratic behavior. Everything was irrevocable when it comes with Izaya and I was never able to get out of it, the very thought frustrated me to depth of irritation for the sick information broker.

I looked over at Celty, gave a slight grin to the headless rider and lover to the flamboyant Shinra.

"I'd be a lot happier if I was out of this apartment."

Unfortunately I knew I was stuck here.

**. . .**

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

_**Author Notes:**_

**I watched Durarara! with the English Dubbed. I don't mind or care about the voice actors. I have no complaint. :)**

**I keep smiling every time I see Izaya's face though, always thinking**_ 'What an asshole.'_** However I still can't come to actually hate him.**

**Also, if there was an option for Izaya and Shizuo to actually gain a love life with 'women,' I'd have to say. **_IzayaxNamie_.** And **_ShizuoxVorona_.** I can't see them with anyone else. One of the women in Durarara! Light novels is Mikage whom I actually dislike.**

**Any who, it would still be awesome if they continue trying to kill each other. I think that Izaya values Shizuo's attention more than anyone's. But that's just my opinion. :)**

**On another note; in my story, I made it seem that Izaya didn't have a second floor but in the anime I checked out his apartment and he does. :\ My bad but I ain't changing my idea. **

**Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please.**

**p.s.** _(The story isn't coming to an end yet. Nothing barely even happened.. LOL.)_ **Thanks for the Favorites and reviews.  
**


	8. Hot Like Steam

_I Crave You._

**. . . **

Shizuo continued to have a quiet conversation with Celty on Izaya's couch while Shinra was still looking over the books he had with intricate interest and of course to figure things out more steadily. It's been over an hour and Shinra finally went to go see if Izaya was sick in some way, Shizuo and Celty looked over as Shinra sat on the edge of the bed and felt Izaya's forehead, he went on to also check his pulse.

Shizuo turned his attention to the metallic object in his hand, he flipped open Izaya's cellphone he was still carrying, he inhaled thickly and gave little to no feeling towards the picture on Izaya's display picture he hadn't yet noticed. He felt that it was what he was going to see anyways since he found Izaya's files on Shizuo himself. The picture was of Shizuo, just one of his calmer pictures when he was outside having a smoke with Tom early in the afternoon.

All that went on in Shizuo's busy mind was:

_Stalker._

_Stalker._

_Stalker._

Celty leaned over to see what Shizuo was looking at and saw the picture of Shizuo. She leaned back and chuckled to herself, tapping her fingers against her PDA and showing Shizuo whom glanced over.

**_[Why does Izaya have a picture of you in his phone?]_**

"Hmm. That's a very good question," They both jumped from the clear voice of Shinra whom was leaning against the couch and hovering over them. Shizuo made a disgruntled groan and flipped the phone shut.

"Don't ask me. I don't know what goes through the mind of that dumb flea," Shizuo spat, placing the phone on the table before them and glared at nothing but the wall. He could feel his anger ticking like a time bomb but he wasn't ready for it to explode, he wanted to know more of the facts on why he had the damn picture in the first place.

Shinra smiled gleefully. "I might just know something. Do you mind staying here with Izaya for a few days, keep a good eye on him will yah. Also I'll send in the money in tomorrow evening." He signaled Celty to follow him which she did, Shizuo gritted his teeth irritatedly at the mere thought of agreeing with Shinra.

"Damn it Shinra!" He yelled looking back at the fleeing underground doctor and the black rider, the door slammed shut and he was alone in the apartment once more. He also noticed the books Shinra had brought over were still lying open on the table, even the medical kit was still there. Shizuo sighed and cursed Izaya all the way to the table, he placed everything neatly into a stack and turned the lights off inside the apartment.

He lied back down on the couch, grabbing Izaya's phone from the table and flipping it open. He glared at the picture of him and decided to look through the other pictures, he scrolled around until he found the photo album.

What he found only fueled his anger and of course his curiosity. There were a lot more pictures of him everywhere in the album, some old, some new. Some that was just a few days ago.

"How long have you been watching me..?"

The question was unsure so he placed the phone down on the table once more, curled up against the couch and closed his eyes. Soon the slow and tantalizing fleet of sleepiness caressed his mind in a hazy state of unconsciousness.

**. . .**

_Izaya's P.O.V.**  
**_

I woke to the warmth of the sun shining against my skin that I only shuddered from the temperature inside the room and possibly the rest of the apartment. My eyes burned from the light and I grasped the blankets and covered them over my head, I tried to fall asleep again but I couldn't so I flopped on my other side and pulled my pillow over my head, trying to bring the darkness back.

It didn't work. A brute came and tore the pillow and the blankets from my hands, I hissed from the cold while he glared down at me. I never get tired at seeing his fuse burst, it always used to make me laugh now I just want to scream at him.

"You're still here!" I yelled, getting up and grabbing a hold of my blankets which he was holding with an iron grip. His blonde haired swayed as we both played tug a war but in just a matter of seconds I succumbed to my defeat and fell against the bed. Panting and out of breathe, I scowled at Shizuo who dropped the pillow and blankets on the floor.

He walked to the side, sat down on my bed and leaned forward, I felt the heat rise to my cheeks at how close he was. He narrowed his eyes at me, "Yes I'm still here. You're going to eat today Izaya, and since I'm your babysitter, you can't purge." He gives a smug grin, grabs a hold of my thin wrist and pulls me from my bed and onto my feet.

I grit my teeth as the cold air brushes against my bare chest, tingles of the cold touch makes me deliberately squirm as I sat down at the table in the kitchen. Shizuo placed a plate of steamy hot white eggs in front of me with a silver fork next to it, he sat down with his own plate and began to eat. I watched in disgust, I felt dizzy just from staring at the food.

Shizuo noticed my hesitation, he swallowed his food and let out a sigh.

"Why are you always brooding over food?"

I felt a little dejected from that question, I inhaled in and brought my hand on the cool touch of steel and picked the fork up between my fingers. I didn't want to get tied up again like yesterday so I was willingly to cooperate this time. I cut the side of the egg in small pieces and brought the piece close to my mouth, I glanced my eyes over to Shizuo who was watching sternly which made me more embarrassed.

"Stop watching me," I shouted, my body tensing up after seeing Shizuo glower with his intense golden yellow dew eyes, he turned his head around with the rest of his body.

I still held the fork in my hand and the piece of egg sitting on the fork in a languid manner. I continued to clench my teeth and eye the egg up, I tried to follow my gaze somewhere else but before I knew it, two minutes past by and Shizuo had turned around. He gave out a peeved grunt, shaking his head but I saw the slight smile appearing on his lips before he gave me a glare.

"You're hopeless."

I nod, "I keep telling you that..."

"Why not try closing your eyes and eating.."

The idea wasn't bad but it didn't make me feel any better. I was still going to eat the egg anyways, and I knew I wasn't going to get out of breakfast with Shizuo.

I placed the fork down and the egg on top fell against the table. "I can't do this.." I placed both hands in my face, the heat rising to my face but this time in shame.

Shizuo placed his elbow on the table and his hand cupping his face. He continued to stare at me in complete silence. I bit my lip from pouting because all this was on me from not able to cooperate, I hated it so much.

"I'm taking a shower, do me a favor Izaya. Stay in the house, if you don't I'm going to find you and tie you up to a chair for the rest of the day, feeding you different types of food." The threat scared me to the point of shaking again in my chair, he got up and walked past me and into the living room. I was curious since he didn't bring clothes the last time I checked, I slipped off my chair and tiptoed over to the living room.

He unzipped a black duffel bag and took out a few pairs of different type of clothing than his bartender uniform. I smirked, he noticed me and zipped up his bag again.

"Where did you get the money to buy your own clothes or did you ask your dear younger brother to buy them?" I happily taunted the obtuse brute before me, he gave me a scowl and turned away as he walked down the hallway without looking back, he turned and headed down the next hall towards the bathroom.

I clicked my tongue and crossed my arms over my bare chest. Damn he irks me sometimes when he doesn't react the way I want him too. The thought sort of catches me off guard, I let out a dissatisfied sigh and walk towards my bedroom to find a proper shirt. I hear the shower running from the hall as I enter my bedroom.

I don't bother going back to sleep since Shizuo will catch me and I have no idea what he'll do to me. I chuckle at the thought and dig through my closet vigorously and find a simple black t-shirt. I slip it on and walk out of my room once more, the scent of the eggs are everywhere in the room. I wrinkle my nose in disgust as I sit down on my computer chair.

I tap against the black keyboard and wait until the computer boot up but it does in a second and what I find is the files of... Shizuo. My heart races in my chest as I lean forward, grasping the mouse and scrolling over each of the file. I already know Shizuo found out about my secret stash and I thought he would be angry about it, I was wrong though.

I notice something strange. My phone was gone, I look around until I let out a gasp and see across the room; lying on the black table next to Shizuo's duffel bag was my cellphone. I closed my eyes and bit down again on my bottom lip, I let out a shuddered breathe of air. I got up from my seat and stride quickly over to the table, grabbed a hold of my cellphone and went back to my computer chair.

Slumping down and opening the cellular device until Shizuo's face is shown with a bright light. I curl inwards on my chair and give myself a push to the side that makes the chair spin in a slow motion.

I stare at the picture and feel my heart beat race fast in my chest like it never did in it's entire existence. I tried my hardest not to care so much about him. I really did but I can't always hide it, it's not going to be hidden forever. At the same time I know some common sense on not telling a wild animal, 'I think I like you.. Or maybe more than that..' Is a very bad idea.

The door to the bathroom suddenly makes me jolt even though it's a soft sound from all the way down the hall. The chair had already stopped spinning and out of fear I turned my computer off and snapped my phone shut and placed the device against my chest.

I wasn't ready for this. And I'm pretty much serious.

Shizuo came around the corner with his golden locks damp with water, dripping as he held a towel to his hair on one side, dabbing the moisture. He gave a frustrated glare to his hair as the droplets of water streamed down his shoulder, along his exposed collarbone and of course his toned smooth chest that makes me feel as if I'm in a hazy dream of euphoria.

He's wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and holding a white buttoned shirt in his other hand loosely. His rather disheveled appearance would get him the attention of alot of women. Fortunately it was me here to actually see this.

His yellow eyes finally spots me, I feel so enthralled just from that single look; my face burns but I also I enjoy seeing what was right in front of me.

"Hey flea.. Did you finish your food?" The question made me stiffen up but at the same time I can't break my smile._ I can't now..._

I check him out again and remember the reason why everything sort of fell into place. Of course I believe Shizuo would never feel the same, it was the only solid evidence I had.

He hated me.

**. . .**

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

**Author Notes: **

**I've been diagnosed with Mild-depression. Even though my friend _thinks_ I have severe depression and my worker _thinks_ I have schizophrenia. :\ Any who, that's beside the point. I had depression for a long time, and at some points in my life I always forget why I was depressed but at times it would come back to me.**

**My point is, it's the same reason for Izaya. He just sort of realized after seeing Shizuo's hot body! :D**

**Reviews are appreciated. No flames please.**


	9. It's Never Simple

_I Crave You._

**. . . **

Shizuo dropped the towel on the floor and slipped his arms through the sleeves of the white shirt then buttoned it up to his collar bone and left his neck exposed. He turned the sleeves upwards but below his elbows. His eyes glanced over to Izaya once more and noticed there was a faint flush of red on his face which was evident for a few moments, Shizuo recalled seeing the same flush a few days ago as well.

He turned on his heel and walked towards Izaya who was visibly startled by Shizuo's sudden action to move closer. Shizuo noticed the flinch and Izaya's mouth clamping shut suddenly. Izaya's ash red eyes looked downwards as he tried to will his body to move back but it wasn't listening to him which he cursed, already just from having Shizuo so close he could easily smell the sweet scent of his shampoo and body wash.

Shizuo reached his hand out and brushed Izaya's bangs away and placed firmly on Izaya's forehead. He hummed then noticed Izaya was panting lightly from his nose, which brought confusion to mind.

"Are you alright Izaya? ..Getting sick?" Shizuo wondered, letting his hand drop to his side which mentally disappointed Izaya. The warmth he had felt from Shizuo's hand was tingling and at the same time - comforting.

Izaya gave a quick nod and looked at Shizuo's retreating form that headed towards the kitchen. Realizing right away that he hadn't finished his food, Izaya dashed down the hall to his bedroom, he shut the door and locked it then childishly grabbed a hold of his blankets off the floor and jumped on the bed and curled up.

A few moments later, the echo of Shizuo's obvious screech drew goosebumps along Izaya's skin, the surge of adrenaline rushed through him immediately and the familiar smirk he always displays stretches across his lips..

"Izaaayaa!" Shizuo yelled from the kitchen, glaring at the bowl of cereal he tried to feed the pest earlier, but since Izaya didn't bother listening to him; it was horribly neglected. Shizuo stomped his feet towards Izaya's closed bedroom door, he grabbed the doorknob, flung it open that obviously broke the lock and glared at the plush round ball of blankets on the queen sized bed.

He stomped over to the edge of the bed, leaned forwards and grabbed a hold of the blankets and untangled Izaya from them. Izaya's dark hair sprung up, the quirky smile pissed Shizuo off a little bit more.

He gripped Izaya shoulder's tightly and pulled him closer to him. "Why can't you just eat!?"

Izaya gritted his teeth, "I can't eat when I know you're going to kill me." After a few moments of glaring into each others eyes. Shizuo sighed, he loosened his grip on Izaya's shoulders that made the ill-looking informant plop lightly against the mattress, confusion written delicately on his pale features. Shizuo sat down, letting out a low groan as he combs his fingers through his hair. Izaya sat up, biting his lower lip, he gripped the blankets and hugged it to his chest.

"I can't do this when I know Shinra won't pay me. It's been a few hours since he was last here." Shizuo muttered, mostly to himself. Izaya frowned at the prospect that Shizuo was going to leave his apartment soon, possibly of boredom. His ash red eyes dimmed from the very thought, he felt his body stiffen up.

"Why.. Don't I pay you?"

Shizuo looked up and found himself staring into the eyes of Izaya, he felt this sort of uncomfortable but strong feeling just from those calculating menacing eyes. It was a proposal but not the type Izaya Orihara would make, nor commit to someone he hated, they knew what they felt was mutual and sure at times they were with each other almost twenty-four hours but at the end of the day, it will go back to hatred.

It usually does.

Shizuo shook his head, letting out a short chuckle. "You want to pay me to take care of you while you continue to ignore eating and secretly binge?" Izaya's shoulders relaxed, he turned his gaze elsewhere, away from Shizuo's obvious gaze of concern and amusement.

"What's so bad about that? You know I'll pay, I usually do."

"Yeah, I know.. But you're also an asshole, a jerk, a manipulator, a coward-"

Izaya flared his arms. "Okay I get it! But since it's you, I'll pay."

Shizuo snorted, "Since it's me? .. Getting sentimental already." Shizuo climbed off the bed and stood up on his feet, he stretched his arms upwards. Not realizing that Izaya was staring, his heart never in any instant stopped the harsh rapid beating against his chest when Shizuo was so close. The feeling continued to make him want to kill all butterflies that ever existed.

Shizuo turned around, arms crossed. "I might have to pass on that, I'll talk with Shinra and ask him to administer you into some institution." He walked out of the bedroom, Izaya rolled his eyes at the small threat.

"As if Shinra would consider."

Izaya rolled off the bed, landing on his feet and staggered over to the door post. "Shizu-chan! You idiot! Shinra won't send me to some stupid institution!" Izaya yelled, gripping the wall as he glared down the hall, noticing Shizuo was on his computer.

"What are you doing! Get off of my stuff!" Izaya called out irritably. He let go of the wall and sprinted over to Shizuo, noticing he was on the files where most of his pictures of Shizuo were.

Shizuo quickly turned around in the leather seat, Izaya gasped, not having enough time to stop. Both of his hands were roughly placed on the leather chair in between Shizuo's head, both of their knees painfully touching but their gazes were alot more excruciating.

Shizuo grabbed a hold of Izaya's shirt and pulled him down but Izaya firmly kept his position, in a stern voice Shizuo growled indifferently. "I tried to ignore it Izaya, but all of these pictures keep turning up and it makes me think..." He pushed Izaya back that made Izaya stumble a bit. He held his ground as Shizuo stood up from the chair, his golden eyes never leaving Izaya's who now felt more trapped.

"You've been a selfish idiot for the past few days, maybe years. You honestly never figured what I thought about you?" The question some how made Izaya flinch, at first he had to search those golden eyes for the answer but it soon came like the feeling of warm sweet wind gliding across his skin. It was desirable.

"I never.. I thought.. Maybe you just hated me." Izaya muttered, his hand reaching for his hair that pulled his dark strands, Izaya felt frustration dragging across his mind at how naive he could actually been to the brute before him.

Shizuo sighed. "There was times I wanted to choke you too death, but I never truly hated you. I didn't at first understand what I was feeling until we graduated, Shinra told me that you were a bulimic."

Izaya clicked his tongue. "You felt pity for me?" There was a sort of disdain lingering in his voice.

Shizuo shook his head, "I felt more worried than pity. Shinra told me what you've been doing and how it's been effecting you, so I decided to help out but it soon became a routine to bring you over to Shinra's just so you can get out of the house. I don't really know when, but just seeing you made me realize what I was feeling."

Izaya swallowed the lump in his throat thickly, his slim frame shaking, every word Shizuo spoke some how made electricity run through his veins and shock his heart to a running pace. He had little idea what to do, he never been in such a uncomfortable situation and he never actually thought he would be.

"I'm going to go.." Shizuo broke the ill dreaded silence, Izaya's head perked up and watched Shizuo turn his body away from him. The blonde unkempt hair fell against Shizuo's eyes, something that Izaya cursed since he could easily read people's emotions from their eyes. Shizuo leaned down and grabbed his bag, he walked over to the front door, slipped his shoes on and waved without looking over to Izaya.

Then he left, the door closing and echoing in the apartment.

Izaya was left alone again, with thoughts he was sure going to plague his mind, and the large emotions Shizuo left behind were going to fuel and burst his heart. He could easily feel it closing in, just standing alone made a single tear slide down his right cheek, his ash red eyes hollow.

"What to do, what to do..." Izaya muttered to himself.

**.**

**.**

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

_Author Notes:_

_Sorry for the late update. I had horrible writers block! :O Thanks for the reviews! :P_

_This is a bit Angst!Izaya. eh, sorry about that. Had to work with what I'm going for! :)_

_The story is coming to an end, at least two or three chapters left._

_Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please._


	10. Not Everything Falls Apart

_I Crave You._

**.**

_I'll make sure I keep my distance._

**.**

Two weeks it's been since Shizuo expressed his feelings towards Izaya, and outwardly exposed Izaya's. Shinra paid Shizuo the money he owed him, and wondered what was going to happen to Izaya, Shizuo had shrugged his shoulders and told Shinra to deal with Izaya himself. Shizuo went back to working for Tom, but throughout the Ikebukuro's blinding lights and crowded streets, he couldn't get his mind off of Izaya.

Taking out a cigarette from his pack and lit it, he leaned himself against the cold brick wall while Tom dealt with their client of the night. He inhaled the fumes, and then blew the smoke out, his golden eyes staring up at the bright flickering lights. There was nothing so exciting as he thought it would be when he attacked Izaya, or when Izaya attacked him.

All of this was simply just empty. Shizou knew from the start that this feeling was going to erupt unexpectedly, but it wasn't enough that he wasn't going to just march over to Izaya and see how he was doing.

No. Izaya's an adult, he's going to have to deal with the emotions that he has and do something about it. Shizuo rolled his eyes. Or Izaya will probably self-destruct again, either way Shinra would give him a heads up with Izaya's progress by the end of the night. However, each second that went by annoyed him, it ticked him off and he didn't know if he could hold back all the pint up anger that fueled him.

"Shizuo!" The sound of Tom's voice alerted him from his growing anxious thoughts that quickly evaporated in the air. Turning his head where Tom was and followed him through the crowd towards their next destination, he flicked his smoke to the ground and let the trampling feet of the crowd burn it out.

Tom looked over his shoulder at Shizuo, "Are you alright, you seem to be zoned out tonight."

Shizuo shrugged his shoulders and let out a grunt, "I'm fine." Shizuo knew that was a lie, he wasn't and it was all because of the infamous Information broker slash chronic bulimic.

Tom noticed the subtle hints of discomfort on Shizuo's part all night. There was something bothering him, keeping his thoughts on a particular thing, but he didn't want to intrude on him and his daily life. So he ignored it and thought about their next job, the walk was quite far, near the Shinjuku area.

Close to Izaya.

Shizuo sighed, then he felt a vibration in his pocket. He grabbed it and looked at the caller id.

**Yagiri Namie.**

Rolling his eyes he answered the phone. "What?"

He heard Namie click her tongue over the phone, "Look I know you and Izaya had your pity fight, but I think he needs you more than ever."

"Just send him to the hospital," Shizuo growled through the phone.

"He'll end up jumping off the roof."

"Ughh. Phone Shinra!"

Namine let out a groan, "Look Shizuo, get your fucking ass over here, he's not going to listen to anyone, but you!" Before he could argue with her, he heard a click. Glaring at the phone as he shoved it back into his pocket.

"Hey Tom, do you mind if I go check up on something, it'll only take twenty minutes," Tom stopped walking and tilted his head at Shizuo, knowing exactly where he was going.

"Go ahead!" Shizuo nodded and turned around, he trudged down the street.

_Damn Izaya._

He went down a narrow back alley, jumping over a fence and coming into the light of the next street. He waited for the light to change and he quickly ran across and walked past a few high schoolers coming back from a movie. Five minutes went by and he reached Izaya's street, looking up at the building which was his destination with little interest.

Shizuo pushed the button on the elevator and it automatically opened up. He walked inside casually and pressed the number to Izaya's floor, waiting was exhausting and it only made him more angrier than he was earlier. Just the thought of the flea annoyed him. Shizuo knew Izaya was the coward type, but he never thought he wouldn't be able to confront his own feelings. How bad was it for him to do something like that?

The doors opened and he walked down the silent hallway to Izaya's apartment door. Letting out an exasperated sigh, lifting his hand that formed into a fist, he knocked on the door and felt his heart racing so fast inside his chest. He didn't know why, but there was this intensity to the unbearable question, is Izaya okay?

The door opened wide to reveal the ill looking secretary. "Finally you got here, I didn't know how long I was going to listen to him throwing his guts up," She turned around and walked off into the living room. Shizuo glared at her at what she had mentioned, Namine grabbed her bag and jacket that were lying on the couch.

"Do you ever have the brains to stop him?" Shizuo asked, closing the door.

Namie raised her eyebrow, "Don't insult me. Of course I tried, many times, but Izaya's stubborn and the idiot won't listen to me. Also, why should I care if he's bulimic? All that matters to me, is that he pays me what he owes me," Namie said, obviously apathetic to Izaya's feelings.

"If he dies, you do know that he won't be able to sign your paychecks right?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not stupid Shizuo, that's why I called you when I know that the hospital won't help nor Shinra. Izaya's a complicated person, and very outlandish, the normal world and the normal people in it aren't good enough when it comes to him. The only person that is complicated and strange is you, and you two fit perfectly."

Namie walked past him, "Tell him I'll be in next week." Then she was gone out the door.

The apartment was strangely quiet, Shizuo loosened his tie and unbuttoned the buttons near his collar. Then he pushed his sleeves up below his elbows and walked towards the bathroom. The door was closed and probably locked, there was the faint sounds of sobbing behind the door, and the stench of puke.

Sighing, he knocked on the door. "Izaya, open the door."

No answer.

Shizuo knocked louder, "Izaya. If you don't open this door, I'm going to break it," He listened for any movement, but there wasn't so he gripped the doorknob and he turned it roughly, hearing the faint sounds of the lock breaking, he opened up the door and what he saw shocked him.

**_._**

_I'm afraid what you'll see.  
_

**_._**

**_._**

Izaya wasn't wearing a t-shirt, but he was wearing shorts. His skin was very pale, clammy and tears streamed down his red glossy eyes. He was leaning his back against the white pastel wall, with his arms hugging his thin legs against his chest. His collarbone was sticking out, his hair was greasy from the lack of hygiene.

"I-It won't go away!" Izaya sobbed, looking up at Shizuo. "The f-fat won't go away, I want it gone. I want it gone!" Another set of tears streamed down his eyes. Izaya looked down at his chest where Shizuo distinguished the evident ribs that were sticking outwards.

"Izaya," Shizuo stepped forwards, but Izaya flinched and moved away from him.

"Go away Shizu-chan! Go away!" Izaya glared, his eyes filled with rage and hatred, there was nothing there that Shizuo could find that made him have some hope Izaya wasn't far gone.

"Calm down, Izaya. You have to calm down," Shizuo said, trying to soothe Izaya.

Izaya squeezed his eyes shut and placed both of his hands over his eyes as he continued to cry. "It just won't go away! It won't go away, please make it go away!"

While Izaya was muttering to himself, Shizuo caught something unexpected that he didn't see until now. The faint shiny white lines on Izaya's legs, a few on his wrists, some were glowing a light pink, some a dark red. He wondered how he didn't spot those before, how long Izaya has been hiding them like he's been trying to hide his purging.

Shizuo couldn't take it anymore, the way Izaya was breaking before his very eyes broke him. It hurts so badly that Izaya was crying that soon he might slip through his fingers. In a rush, Izaya was pulled into the hard, but warm chest of Shizuo. Izaya's eyes were wide, sore and red from crying, he had no idea what to do, why Shizuo was hugging him.

"S-Shizu-chan?!" Izaya closed his eyes, small uttering noises of voices filtered his mind. Harsh and panicked caressed his mind with no relief from the hard headache, his heart felt hollow as if the darkness was consuming him.

"Why.. Not me.. There's no point.. I'm fat.. Ugly.. Gross.." Izaya muttered coldly in Shizuo's shoulder, his eyes still closed.

"No. You're not ugly, you're not gross Izaya! You're amazing, different.. This might sound cheesy, but you're beautiful," Shizuo said calmly in a whisper against Izaya's ear.

Izaya clenched his teeth down, his body tensed from Shizuo's breath against his ear, and the words that drew a shiver down his spine. Shizuo was the first to move away, he smiled down at Izaya who brought his hands to his face that was tinted a light pink.

**.**

**.**

_How long can we keep this up?_

"I think I might love you.." Izaya muttered, a tear streaked down his cheek. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. Shizuo could still hear him crying, but what Izaya said made something inside him feel full and rich with relief.

"You think?" He chuckled, Shizuo reached down and tried to take Izaya's hands away from his face, but he didn't budge. So instead Shizuo leaned forwards.

"I think you always knew," Shizuo whispered against Izaya's ear, pulling him back into an embrace. Izaya's body went limp and gripped Shizuo's shirt tightly.

Shizuo nuzzled his nose against Izaya's hair, smiling mostly to himself.

"I love you too."

**.**

**.**

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

_Author Notes:_

_Sorry for the lack of updates. :\_

_The inspiration for this chapter was from a song: **Christina Perri. Ft. Jason Mraz. - Distance.**_

**Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please.**


	11. An almost slight relapse

_I Crave You._

**.**

**.**

My eyes are burning from the crying I've been doing since Shizuo showed up. He went back home to get his things since he wants to spend the week with me, strangely he left me alone. Maybe he knew I wasn't going to purge, maybe he knew I wasn't going to stick my fingers down my throat and throw up whatever was left of my dignity.

He knew me better than I knew myself. And I was okay with that. I didn't bother going near the bathroom, I stayed in the living room on my computer chair, staring outside at the sparkling lights that I once used to enjoy, now they hurt my eyes when I stared too long at them.

I turned away from them and began to stare at my blank computer screen. Grunting alone, I quickly got up and walked across the living room area towards my bedroom. I looked through my closet and shuffled around for some clean pajamas I can wear tonight.

Tearing off the clothes I had on and pulling on black shorts and a dark blue t-shirt. Sighing I jumped on my bed and crawled underneath the blankets. Closing my eyes and holding the blankets tightly in my hands, listening to nothing but the ticking of the clock outside of my bedroom.

The thoughts of throwing up, the feeling of the ache in my stomach burns for release, I can feel my fingers down my throat, brushing along the skin inside to bring everything up. It's too much, it's way to much, I need it but I can't. Shizu-chan will get mad, he'll get angry at me..

But wait. I open my eyes, sitting up quickly. "When did I ever care what he thinks?" I mutter to myself.

I quickly crawl off my bed and walk straight out of my bedroom, I was about to turn towards the bathroom until I heard the front door opening. Gritting my teeth angrily, I notice the blonde walked inside with a duffle bag in hand.

There was this slight flame inside my chest igniting from the very sight of the brute. I almost felt like crying from being interrupted. Without the little ounce of patients I walked towards him, Shizuo noticed me and dropped his bag. A large smile appeared on his chest, and even then my heart raced and melted from just that simple gesture.

I couldn't stop from punching him right in the jaw, I gasped and stepped back. Shizuo turned his head and looked at me with a glare.

"What the hell Izaya!" He dropped his duffle bag and took a step forwards. For a minute there I thought for sure he was going to punch me back, so I closed my eyes and readied the impact but instead he enveloped me in an embrace with his arms around my body tightly.

"I don't know whats up with you," Shizuo muttered in my ear, his breathe tickling my neck. I squirmed in his embrace, in a few seconds he finally let me go, patting me on the head and bending down to get his bag. He then walked around me and thrown the bag on the couch.

"Want something to eat?" He asked, turning back at me. I frowned, shrugging my shoulders. I didn't really know if I was ready to eat, maybe if I fast for a few days everything will go back to normal, but did I want things to go back to normal?

I don't even know.

"I'll make you a salad," He called out, walking into the kitchen and turning the light on. I grunt at his answer, I watched him though as he took out lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers, slicing it up with a sharp knife, concentrating on the things he did sort of amused me. He grabbed a large bowl and placed everything inside, then he took out salad dressing and flicked the cup open, he glanced at me than squeezed the white stuff out onto the salad and placed it all back into the fridge.

"Are you hungry?" He wondered, breaking the ill silence.

"Not really.." I told him meekly. My scowled at my voice that suddenly disappeared, the hummed as he walked over to the counter and pulled out two forks.

"I'm not going to force you.. Are you tired?" He placed the salad bowl into the fridge and stared at me with those golden eyes.

I gritted my teeth and tried to look somewhere else. I felt so uncomfortable under his gaze, swirling my finger against the table, I shrugged my shoulder not really knowing what to do at this point.

"Let's go sleep then," He pressed his hand on my shoulder and turned me around. We walked back into the living room where he grabbed his bag and he followed me back to my bedroom. I was contemplating on if he was going to sleep with me, the concept made me shudder in a good way.

"I'm going to change alright," He tells me, I give him a nod as he makes his way to the bathroom. I watch until he closes the door, I turn back and enter my room where I sit back down on my bed. Feeling like a failure that I didn't have enough time to throw up.

I look down at my wrists where there were obvious red lines from a razor blade I broke. I never cut in a while, the pain of it was almost exhilerating like the feeling of throwing up. I reach underneath my mattress and pull out a metallic blade.

I stared at the gleaming small piece of metal. Placing the edge against my skin, and before I could press it hard into my wrist.

"I really can't leave you alone can I?" I turn up and find Shizuo at the door with a frown on his face. He stares at the metal piece, dropping his bag on the floor, he walks over to me where my body has frozen and grabs the blade from my hand.

I gasp but he doesn't say anything. He just walks to the window, opens it and throws the blade outside then he closes it. He turns back to me, I could see a hint of a glare. He turns the light off and closes the door. I realize we're in the dark inside my bedroom.

"Can't you sleep in the living room?" I ask him, Shizuo sits down on the other side of the bed, and strangely he continues to stare at me like a hungry dog.

"Won't you stop harming yourself?" He asked, crawling towards me. I shake my head and lift my wrist to stop him from coming closer but he grips my wrist, the one I was going to harm with the blade.

"W-What are you doing?" My voice shaky from the discomfort of his close presence.

"Teaching you a lesson." Before I could even respond back, his other hand grips my other wrist and I'm pushed down onto the bed, he crawls ontop of me and leans down and his mouth is planted hard on mine. His warm slick tongue touching every wall inside my mouth, I have no idea how to react, I have no idea what is going on..

What the hell Shizu-chan!

**.**

**.**

**To Be Continued.**


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